Straight from a Huggable Heart

The power of a hug. According to Psychology Today:

• Hugging reduces inflammation and blood pressure.
• Hugging can also help fight against the common cold.
• Hugging promotes the release of oxytocin and increases feelings of bonding with others.

To me, hugs are life-giving. Especially when they are exchanged, heart-to-heart, between two grieving moms.

The life-giving power of this kind of embrace is undeniable. It transcends what any words could communicate. It breaks through any barriers of grief, regret, shame, or guilt. It releases the depths of pent-up emotion. It relieves unbearable heaviness. It penetrates the soul.

My deepest grief going into the third annual grieving parents retreat my husband and I were facilitating was that I wasn't sure how I would minister without being able to offer a hug.

An itchy, red, raised rash had broken out all over my body in response to an allergic reaction to a single dose of an antibiotic. Not for the first time.

The first time it happened the monster rash lasted for over a month, causing unbearable discomfort. The allergy specialist had assured me I had no allergy to the antibiotic I had taken. Apparently, he had been mistaken.

I knew the rash wasn't contagious. However, onlookers may think twice before approaching me. I knew there was "a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing" (Ecclesiastes 3:5, NIV). My husband threatened to put a name tag on me that said, "I'd love to hug you. But…"

We were up front about what I was contending with. And announced that, for at least the first session, sadly, hugs were not available.

The retreat itself consists of five teaching sessions:

• Friday night: Be - identifying the effects of losing a child.
• Saturday morning: Be You - caring for yourself after losing a child.
• Saturday afternoon: Be Together - dealing with the uniqueness of grief within your marriage and family.
• Saturday evening: Be Aware - managing relationships with others as you grieve.
• Sunday morning: Be Still – connecting with God during your grief.

My husband and I use the experience of our own grief journey in the death of our son, Ben, to speak into the lives of the participants. In each session we give opportunity for parents to tell their own story. Participants are encouraged to share about their child, challenges they're facing as a result of the death of their child, and what has helped them thus far on their grief journey.

The nature of this particular retreat held several dealing with the complex grief and loss of children as a result of suicide and addiction. Unimaginable.

Not only would I have to have my wits about me, I would have to be fully present to be able to enter into the deep, raw grief of twelve couples. I wasn't sure how this would be possible given that it took all my energy to simply control the itch.

There are no words to reach the depths of their pain. My own experience, along with that of Job taught me that much. "When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was" (Job 2:11-13, NIV). Up until this point, Job's friends were doing great! Their first mistake was opening their mouths in the chapters to come.

How could I possibly touch the hearts of these parents, not just void of words, but without a hug?

I was thankful for God's sustaining grace and strength to see me through the entire weekend. But, I was most grateful that moms broke through the rash barrier to retrieve hugs. I haven't ever had as many guttural sobs poured into my shoulder and absorbed into my soul as I did that weekend. Two hearts entwined, meeting and beating together in utmost grief and pain. I can only pray that the hugs I offered brought some of the hope and healing they were intended to give. More than that, I pray that each one was embraced by God, himself.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19, NIV)

Our next HOPE Retreat for Grieving Parents is taking place April 10-12, 2026. If you or anyone you know has lost a child and could benefit from this retreat, contact Muskoka Bible Centre to register.

* * *

Need a little extra encouragement? Discover more inspirational blogs by Lisa Elliott, Straight from the Heart.

About this Contributor:

Lisa Elliott is an inspirational speaker and award-winning author of The Ben Ripple, Dancing in the Rain, and A Ministry Survival Guide. She’s also a writer for Just Between Us Magazine, theStory, and Good Ground. She and her husband, David, have four children (three on earth, one in heaven) and serve the Lord together in Stratford, ON, Canada.